The 9 Month Challenge There are always challenges in Breastfeeding. Because there are always challenges in parenting. But do we give up?? NO!! (well, sometimes) There are some phases that are typical, though. And I have been kind enough to walk you through them. General rule of thumb for children of any age: When they are going through a growth spurt, they will eat more, sleep less, and be generally disagreeable. Be patient. They don't know what's going on, either. Congratulations!! You made it through those tough few days of figuring out ‘The Latch’ and ‘Positioning’, you soldiered through Engorgement, you have even fought your way through the 4 Month Hump! How amazing are you?!
By this time, you have nursed through a minimum of 5 growth spurts, teething, and countless sleep deprived nights. (Maybe even a little illness or two for your little one.) You have provided comfort and nourishment that will benefit your baby their entire life. Take a moment to congratulate yourself on those accomplishments! So why is this new growth spurt so challenging? Many mothers find themselves faltering around 8-10 months (give or take a month or two) with breastfeeding as baby’s behavior changes, and they find themselves simply exhausted and frustrated (and maybe not a little bit resentful). You are not alone. There are quite a few things going on right around this time. The biggest changes going on with your baby with this particular growth spurt may be ones that you can’t really see physically. They are going through an enormous emotional and mental growth spurt at this age. This is the age where they finally start to realize they are separate beings from you. That they are not an extension of you, and to be honest, that can totally freak them out. Up until this point, you are them and they are you. You are the center of not only their Universe, but their being. Now they realize that their bodies are their own, and there is a point where you end and they begin. Not only that, but there are THINGS out there. Things they must explore. But are they safe? They look to you to be their touchstone, sometimes crawling away to chase something, then coming back to nurse for a minute, then leaving again and repeating the process. “Wow, that thing looks awesome over there! I gotta go check that out! MOM!! Where’s Mom?! Oh, there you are, OK, just have to make sure……. OK, I’m gonna go check that thing out again….. MOM! Where’s Mom!! Oh, there you are….” There is a reason we play peek-a-boo with them and they are actually surprised. If they don’t see us, we are simply gone. And since they have no concept of time, 2 minutes can be an eternity of despair. Plus, if they are developing a new skill (crawling, walking, etc), know that with each new skill comes a new fear as well. You are their touchstone to know that everything is OK and all is well. Your crawling and moving (and distracted) little bundles are showing you their own unique personalities as well. Up to now, maybe they have just been cute little babies. Now they are babies with personality, whose will can sometimes clash with yours. Let me be perfectly clear: if you enter into a battle of wills with a baby (or child under 7 years old), you have already lost. They ARE will. This does not mean that you can’t teach them and guide them. It means that we need to realize that we are adults and it is futile to get into a fight with a 9 month old, because there is simply no way for us to “win”. It does not mean we can’t be in control and help guide baby’s behaviors a bit (especially that fun acrobatic nursing/biting/pinching/hitting). In fact, this is a wonderful age to begin teaching “Nursing Manners”. You can check out the link to help curb unwanted nursing behavior here: http://kellymom.com/blog-post/nursing-manners/ While it is important to know that battling wills will only lead to frustration for both parties, it is also vital to know that they are not manipulating you. Babies don’t manipulate. They communicate. And they learn. They learn what your responses will be to their attempts at communicating. Will you be responsive and loving? Or will you withhold from them what they are telling you they need? This is the time when the brain pathways are being built learning cause and effect. (The ‘dropsy’ game might be really popular right about now.) Neuropathways are not built upon one response. They are built with continual and consistent responses over time. You are not ‘spoiling’ your baby by responding to their needs. You are listening and responding, teaching them that you WILL be there for them when they need you. Studies have shown that the quicker you are to respond to your baby, the less fussy they may be, and the more secure they will feel. For more information about “spoiling”, you can click here: http://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussybaby/ What does all this have to do with Breastfeeding? Besides the acrobatic part, that is.. Well, babies around this age (as will most growth spurts) tend to sleep less, and nurse more at night. This can be really frustrating to us Mommies who thought we had that sleeping thing down pat. Just when we thought we had them on a ‘schedule’, they turn around and start nursing a ton at night. Many mothers are tempted at this time to try ‘sleep training’. Unfortunately, the timing is not the best for that. As distracted as babies can get around this age during the day, they tend to snack a lot, come on and off the breast, and not really get good solid feedings in during the day. They get a lot of their nutrition at night during this stage. They also often need that extra comfort during this exciting, yet frightening, time. It can be particularly difficult or emotionally traumatic for them during this stage to do any kind of ‘crying it out’ method (which research has shown to be emotionally and mentally harmful at any time). This can be additionally frustrating, because the first few times they went through this, they were much smaller and we were still in that ‘newborn bliss’ hormonal phase. Around 9 months, we just want to friggin sleep. And our babies have personalities, which (incorrectly) makes us assume that they understand logical things. Sadly, no matter how ‘advanced’ they are, they don’t really get until they are almost 7 (that’s years), no matter how much they seem to understand. A difficult thing to remember as they get older and more vocal as well. In short, all of these behaviors are normal for your 8-10 month old: - Disrupted sleep - “Clinginess” (If mom is here, she needs to be holding me NOW) - Acrobatic nursing - Pinching, pulling, biting (these you can help curb) - Doing things over and over again - More moving around and exploring (yet some fear or anxiety when they do so) - Nursing strikes (sudden refusal of the breast or to nurse: https://www.llli.org/faq/strike.html) - Sore nipples all over again (this often has to do with re-visiting proper positioning of your baby, we get less diligent over time, but our nipples won’t tolerate that for long) As a mom, I can promise that this phase will too, pass. All developmental stages for our babes are temporary. There are things you can do to help teach nursing manners: offering something else soft for them to pinch and knead while nursing, or getting a nursing necklace. Being consistent with your reactions to things, and hopefully reacting in a gentle and supportive way (as much as our sleep deprivation will allow, that is). And getting help when we need it. It’s not uncommon for post-partum depression to rear its ugly head around this time, either. If you find yourself experiencing these symptoms to an incapacitating degree, please seek the help of your physician:
For more information on PPD, you can go here: http://www.9monthsin9monthsout.com/is-it-just-the-baby-blues-or-postpartum-depression/ and here on how to treat it safely: http://blog.oncloudmom.com/2010/03/how-to-treat-depression-safely-while.html So now you know what is normal, what you can expect, and some tools on getting through it. Support from other BF moms is essential, especially during difficult times as this. Don’t let your friends or family members tell you that you are spoiling your baby, or that they would be better off with formula, or you just need to teach that baby who is boss. You know your baby better than anyone else. Listen to them, listen to yourself, and listen to your heart. You are doing an amazing job, and don’t let anyone tell you any differently. Difficult times will pass with time, and honestly, you won’t really remember much of that first year anyways. It’ll all be a sleep deprived blur. But you will survive. And your baby will thrive. Just continue to listen to them, and follow your heart. You can’t go wrong. RESOURCES: http://kellymom.com/ages/after12mo/ebf-links/ http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/norma_jane_bumgarner.html http://kellymom.com/parenting/velcrochild/ http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/ http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/comfortnursing/ http://kellymom.com/blog-post/nursing-manners/ http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/babyselfwean/ http://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/ http://drjaygordon.com/breastfeeding/growthspurts.html http://kellymom.com/fun/trivia/bf-rates-2004/ http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/maintainsupply-pump/ http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/toddlernursing/ http://www.breastfeeding.org.sg/comfort-versus-nutrition-by-kathryn-orlinsky.html http://kellymom.com/health/baby-health/tooth-decay/ http://www.llli.org/nb/nbextended.html http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/criticism/ http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/child/back-to-breast/ http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/Education/Population/Child_Health/Growth_and_Development/HP3420_child_dev6-9months.pdf http://www.babycentre.co.uk/x558330/how-can-i-function-at-work-without-enough-sleep http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a558733/10-ways-to-get-more-sleep http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1011765/parents-tips-coping-with-tiredness http://www.9monthsin9monthsout.com/is-it-just-the-baby-blues-or-postpartum-depression/ http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/missy_willis.html http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/babyspeaks.html http://www.naturalchild.org/research/emotional_learning_infants.html http://www.naturalchild.org/james_kimmel/human_baby.html http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/post_natal_depression.html https://www.llli.org/nb/nbnovdec92p173.html https://www.llli.org/nb/nbjanfeb06p4.html http://www.llli.org/nb/lvaprmay98p21nb.html http://www.llli.org/cbi/journal9.05.html https://www.llli.org/ba/may06.html http://www.llli.org/nb/nbmayjun06p100.html http://www.llli.org/nb/nbiss56-09p38.html http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar00p10.html
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